Doesn’t forgiveness encourage bad behaviour?

A couple of years ago someone was behaving in an unhelpful way. And I found myself saying in meetings: “Well, unless there’s consequences, this person’s behaviour is not going to change is it?”

Last year, I was in a different situation. Someone was very angry with me.

Even when I said “Sorry,” the response was “I don’t believe it!” And they kept pushing, trying to take their pound of flesh.

In both situations, something was wrong. I was wrong in what I said. And this other person was wrong in what they were doing.

But, we were both wrong for the same reason: We’d fallen into the trap of thinking: It’s the Law that changes people.

Pressure. Consequences. Punishment. Reward.

That’s how we think change happens. That instinct is natural to all of us, even among Christians.

Many Christians see forgiveness as just the starting point of the Christian life.

But then they assume the real engine of change must be something else: Effort. Discipline. Obedience.

So the focus shifts from “Jesus has forgiven me.” to “The new life I live for God.”

But Paul says something completely different. And here, in Ephesians 5, he shows us how real change actually happens. He says three things:

1) Pressure makes sin worse
2) Free forgiveness changes you, simply as you keep looking at it
3) Because Jesus gave himself to forgive you

So, first, 1) Pressure makes sin worse

Paul talks here about us being beloved children, which is a deliberate contrast to 2:3 where said we:

were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind.

Being children of wrath does not mean God is furious with people like an angry father with irritating kids that won’t behave.

Paul talks about children in chapter 2, and here, in the sense that: children belong to a father, and they become like the one who raises them.

In chapter 2 he contrasts: “being children of wrath”—which means defined by, and trained to live by, the Law’s accusation, judgement and consequences; with: God’s free forgiveness and grace, which is not a result of works, so that no-one may boast.

In chapter 2 Paul calls children of wrath—living under Law—”sons of disobedience” whereas he says those living under God’s unconditional grace are “created in Christ Jesus for good works.”

Unconditional grace results in positive change in our lives.

Life lived under accusation simply traps you deeper & deeper in disobedience.

Driven by desires and impulses. Fear of consequences. Grasping at earned rewards.—This is how Paul describes a child of wrath lives.

And just like in 1 Thessalonians 4 last week, he uses the Law to put that part of us to death by describing what living by Law looks like, 5:3-7:

³ But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. ⁴ Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. ⁵ For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. ⁶ Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. ⁷ Therefore do not become partners with them;

Do you want to live driven by your desires, with your worth hanging on your latest success or failure, trying really hard to get better?

Pressure. Consequences. Punishment. Reward.

This is what it means to be a child of wrath. Defined by these things. Shaped by them. And finally judged by them.

This is why, Paul says, they are sons of disobedience. Because these things don’t produce real and lasting change.

Pressure makes sin worse

You shall not murder: You know you shouldn’t get angry. But when that problem keeps happening, you feel even more pressure, and you explode.

You shall not commit adultery: You’re ashamed of your web history. And in that self-hatred, you want to feel better, and so the feelings of lust start taking over again.

You shall not steal: You work all the time, constantly anxious about rising costs and lower income. You cheat, cut corners. Just to try and get by and get on a secure footing.

You shall not bear false witness: They spoke badly about you. And so you feel the need to fix the problem; right that wrong.

Pressure makes sin worse: That’s how a child under law lives.

But, Paul says 2) Free forgiveness changes you, simply as you keep looking at it

In Christ God has forgiven the whole world. The children of wrath are those who don’t see this, and so they live as though it is not true for them.

But being beloved children, being Christians who live by faith, means you look at that forgiveness, because God is giving you assurance that it also applies to you.

Everything Paul teaches about Christian transformation is summed up on verses 4:32 and 5:1 taken together:

³² God in Christ forgave you. ¹ Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children.

Everything about the Christian life flows from free forgiveness. Paul already said this in 2:4-9:

But God being rich in mercy…
…made us alive together with Christ…
…by grace you have been saved…
…so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus…
For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.

Absolutely nothing whatsoever about God’s kindness here is conditional upon you at all.

You are entirely passive. God does everything for you. He made you—not to do things for him—but to receive free gifts from him.

And, Paul then says back in v. 10, THIS is what transforms lives:

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

Paul is not now contradicting himself here in chapter 5, he’s restating the same thing.

v. 1 “Therefore”—everything that follows is about free forgiveness we know and are assured we already have, because God has given it to everyone.

“be imitators of God”—but how? How does that happen? He explains: “as beloved children.” Unlike children of wrath: defined and formed by the active principle of Law; We are beloved children: defined and formed by receiving free forgiveness.

“and walk in love”—what does that mean? It doesn’t just mean: “Now be loving in the way you walk!” It means: Walk in the love Christ had for you. Walk through life knowing he died to forgive you.

Look at v. 2:

And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us,

Paul’s not simply saying “Christ’s death is the standard of love you must walk by.”

He doesn’t say “Look at how Jesus loved other people… you should love them the same.”

He says: “Look at how Jesus has loved you…”

He’s expanding what he said moments before in 4:32:

forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Back in chapter 2, it is by creating me as newly forgiven in Jesus that God himself is the workman creating good works in me.

Here, Paul describes how I experience that, as looking at Jesus and God’s love for me in him, and as I see him, I am formed as a beloved child.

Free forgiveness changes you, simply as you keep looking at it

Paul is not telling you anything other than: Keep looking at Jesus! Keep seeing God’s forgiveness! Keep knowing and—without any effort—receiving God’s free grace for you!

Forgiveness is what he means by light in v. 8.

Not the light of understanding abstract concepts: the light of being fully transparent before God in confession and fully assured of your free forgiveness in Jesus:

⁸ for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light

Don’t walk as though you need to keep things hidden from God until you’ve sorted them out.

Every day, come to him honestly, openly, and in the light: “Yes, Lord, in my heart I am a murderer. I am an adulterer. I am a thief. I am a false witness. I don’t have any excuses, any self-improvement plan, any pressure to go through a cycle of boom and bust: thanks for freely forgiving me!”

Because God has forgiven you! No strings attached!

What is the result of this? Where does this forgiveness lead to?

Doesn’t forgiveness like this encourage bad behaviour? No! Says Paul… v. 9:

 ⁹ (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true),

You can’t staple fruit onto a tree… it just comes! On its own! That is the result of free forgiveness, and walking in that light!

The fruit is all that is good and right and true.

And so, this week, stop trying harder. Pressure makes sin worse

Just look at this: 3) Jesus gave himself to forgive you

Because as you see him, he works in his child so that you imitate him.

The edge of chapters 4 and 5 again:

God in Christ forgave you.
You are dearly loved children.
Christ loved you and gave himself for you, a sacrificial and fragrant offering to God.

You do not need to persuade God to sort out your problems. You do not need to do three things right, to make up for that mistake. You do not need to find the most earnest way to say “I’m sorry” to convince him to look on you with favour again.

The fragrant offering that pleases him for you rose up from the cross.

You can’t and don’t need to sweat out improving on that problem because Jesus has already sweated it out for you.

You can’t and don’t need to shed the right number of sincere tears, because Jesus broke down in tears for you.

You can’t and don’t need to bleed for God, to show and prove that you’re trying to get better, because Jesus already shed his blood for you.

Jesus gave himself to forgive you

That is not just the start of the Christian life. That is everything of the Christian life.

Forgiveness like this does not encourage bad behaviour, because pressure just makes sin worse.

Free forgiveness changes you, simply as you keep looking at it

God does this work in you entirely passively. You are loved by him, as his beloved child. That is who you are, and what trains you to live.

Jesus gave himself to forgive you

There is nothing left for you to do to achieve it.

So this week: Put away the Pressure. Cancel the Consequences. Rip up the record of Punishment and Reward.

And just keep looking at Jesus, and the free forgiveness he won for you.