How do I get GENUINE approval?

All of us want approval. Everyone wants to be accepted.

Solomon was God’s king and a man of great wisdom He understood this need we all have.

The book of Proverbs is a collection of wise words that God’s Spirit put together to help God’s people. They’re not rules, they’re truths.

And they’re not given to make you feel bad… …God gave them to make you wise.

Chapters 25-29 are a collection of Proverbs written by Solomon, collected together hundreds of years after his death. And they’re all focused on living wisely in God’s kingdom.

In vv. 6-14, Solomon gives us one key truth about how to get GENUINE approval: God gives approval freely to those not trying to earn it. He shows us that in three ways:

1) Self-validation is invalidation
2) True approval is received, not achieved
3) You don’t need to prove yourself, God approved you at the cross

First, 1) Self-validation is invalidation

In three different ways, Solomon puts his finger on ways we try to get approval. Verse 6:

Do not put yourself forward in the king’s presence or stand in the place of the great,

We all instinctively want to be noticed by important people… …so try to get notice and impress them. Verses 7-8:

What your eyes have seen do not hastily bring into court,

We all instinctively know how to make use of other’s mistakes… …to push them down in order to raise ourselves up. Verse 14:

a man who boasts of a gift he does not give.

We all instinctively know how to make great promises with our words that we can’t deliver in practice. Now everyone in this room does these things all the time.

We seek self-validation: By trying to get noticed, by putting others down, by promising things we can’t deliver.

But, self-validation like is really invalidation

That’s an irony we’re all familiar with: the more we seek the approval of others, the less we truly receive it.

And Solomon drives that point home in every picture. Verse 7:

it is better to be told, “Come up here,” than to be put lower in the presence of a noble.

Even if you’re noticed, you can’t control how influential people will view you. Verse 8:

what will you do in the end, when your neighbour puts you to shame?

If you go to court, or get someone else involved in your dispute… …it may not be handled fairly and may not go your way. Verse 14:

Like clouds and wind without rain

Making promises we don’t deliver on… …will shape people’s view of us, and train them to dismiss us as empty.

Self-validation is invalidation

And this is Solomon’s warning to all of us. Self-validation is in biblical terms self-worship. Self-validation is in theological terms self-righteousness.

And Solomon is warning us that when we rely on self-righteousness to earn our own personal heaven; all we do is construct our own personal hell.

We so often put ourselves forward in subtle, but self-demeaning ways:
—constantly highlighting your achievements and skills
—justifying why you did this, or didn’t do that
—curating your social media presence
—obsessing over how others view you; constantly adjusting

You and I do this all the time, but ironically as we do… …people think less of us.

And we “take others to court” to promote ourselves by diminishing them all the time:
—social media call outs and virtue signalling “Look how gracious and kind I am, because I’m not like you.”
—Gossip and group conversations, framed as “advice” or “help”, but really designed to highlight how we are better.
—drawing public comparisons or presentations: “Well, if I were… then I would never…” “Unlike others, I am…”

We do this all the time, because for a short time: it works. But, it does come back to bite us in the long run.

And of course all of us are experts in using words that eclipse our actions… …and all of us have suffered as a result of this.

Self-validation is invalidation That’s Solomon’s first point — and Solomon is right!

But, despite our constant failure to overcome our need for self-sufficient approval, God is not waiting for you to fix yourself before He accepts you.

Because of Solomon’s second point:

2) True approval is received, not achieved

That’s the image Solomon wants to play in your mind in v. 7:

it is better to be told, “Come up here,”

Approval comes… …not from proving yourself …not from someone seeing your true internal greatness that you’ve been waiting all your life to notice …but for no reason within you at all.

The noble invites you up, because the noble invites you up. Because of pure grace and kindness. Nothing more.

That’s why Solomon encourages the behaviour in v. 9:

Argue your case with your neighbour himself, and do not reveal another’s secret,

If you’re already approved, there’s no need to highlight other’s mistakes

You don’t need to worry about proving yourself.

And so, ironically, people who speak as though they’re already approved speak in a way that is attractive and life-giving for others.

That’s what Solomon’s describing in vv. 11-13:

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver. Like a gold ring or an ornament of gold is a wise reprover to a listening ear. Like the cold of snow in the time of harvest is a faithful messenger to those who send him; he refreshes the soul of his masters.

You can see this person isn’t seeking approval by flattery, v. 12 describes them as a wise reprover—willing to say things that aren’t about promoting themself, but they’re not saying them publicly to look good, they’re saying them to a single listening ear.

The person speaking, isn’t trying to embellish a message to make themself more important, v. 13 they’re a messenger faithful to the sender, so their words serve others, not themselves.

All of these experiences, and all of these behaviours… …this life of wholesome speech and appropriate, deep relationships… …all comes from someone, not desperately seeking approval, but who is already approved.

Paul echoes this language in 2 Timothy 2:15, writing to a young church pastor:

Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed,

For years I read that and FALSELY thought that as a pastor I need to prove myself somehow.

But, that’s the EXACT OPPOSITE of what Paul means.

Pastoral wisdom in speech, …comes from knowing I’m already fully approved by God …no matter what I do or say. I am one approved… I’m approved already.

True approval is received, not achieved

This is the point that Jesus fleshes out in his parable in Luke 14:

Remember what Jesus says, v. 10:

go and sit in the lowest place, so that when your host comes he may say to you, ‘Friend, move up higher.’ Then you will be honoured in the presence of all who sit at table with you.

And he draws out this general point about God’s approval, v. 11:

everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.

God gives you approval freely. You don’t need to prove yourself. You don’t need to put yourself forward.

You can trust Him to handle all that for you… …and once you get this, it is life transforming.

Because in Jesus God gives you this promise:

3) You don’t need to prove yourself, God approved you at the cross

Here’s what the Apostle Paul says in Romans 5:10:

while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son,

Before you had any faith… …before you came to church… …before you were willing to even think about God… …before you’d even heard of Jesus… …while you were or are still His enemy… …at Jesus’ death on the cross… …God reconciled you.

When Jesus died, because Jesus died… …God gave you His approval. 2 Corinthians 10:18:

it is not the one who commends himself who is approved, but the one whom the Lord commends.

Before you had any idea who Jesus even was… …2 Corinthians 5:21 describes what God did for you in Him on the cross:

For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

When God looks at you He sees Jesus. All His perfection. All His righteousness. All His godliness. And God approves.

You don’t need to prove yourself, God approved you at the cross

So… How do I get GENUINE approval?

Let’s not be stoic and false about this… all of us want approval and all of us need approval.

That’s not wrong. And as much as some people might pretend… …it’s not something we can do without.

Solomon was massively wise, here’s what He teaches us:

1) Self-validation is invalidation

We’re all tempted to get approval by our self-righteousness …by putting ourselves forward …by putting other people down …or by making promises we can’t follow through on.

But, 2) True approval is received, not achieved

Approval is not something we can obtain for ourselves… …it’s something that comes to us from the outside …as a gift.

And so 3) You don’t need to prove yourself, God approved you at the cross

God has given you His approval freely. You don’t need to prove yourself.

When God looks at you He sees Jesus. And God approves.

This is why you can speak and act with humility: not to be noticed but knowing God has already noticed you in Jesus.

You are free from comparing yourself to others you don’t need to put others down to elevate yourself: because God has already elevated you in Jesus.

Your relationships, work, and service can flow from God’s approval, not human recognition: Because, as Jesus promises:

he who humbles himself will be exalted

And you’re already exalted — free from the need to get it. So, go in that freedom today: Speak, act, and live as someone God has already approved, justified, and lifted up in Jesus Christ.